Let him never die
by Ultimate Queen of Cliffies
Summary: One-shot. Elphaba comes home one day to find something she had most definitely not expected - and certainly never hoped - to find. Truths are unravelled and both Elphaba and Fiyero come to realise that communication is the key to love, and love is the key to everything. Post-musical, Fiyeraba. Warning: a bit dark.


**AN: I don't know where the inspiration for this came from; it just did. I'll warn you all - it's sad in the beginning, but of course there will be fluff in the end.**

**This one-shot (I just realised I accidentally typed 'one-shit'. *quickly changes it* I hope that doesn't say anything about the quality of this story :P) is for Xanne-Li. Being different is not a bad thing, dearie. I'm sorry not everyone understands that, but I hope you do realise what an amazing person you are 3.**

* * *

When Elphaba came back from town one day and pushed open the front door, the last thing she had expected was to find Fiyero sitting on the floor with a burning candle in his hand, trying to set himself on fire.

She had thought him to be happy. She really had. Or, well, maybe not happy, but… at the very least content. _She _had definitely been happy, despite the fact that she felt incredibly guilty every time she looked at Fiyero's face. She'd promised him she'd find a way to change him back, but she hadn't found one so far.

Still, it wasn't like she minded. She felt bad for _him_, because she thought he deserved so much more; but it didn't make her love him any less. To her, it was proof – proof of her incapability as a sorceress and proof of her being a failure, yes, but also proof of his love for her. He had been willing to sacrifice himself for her, and she felt so lucky to have him in her life.

When they had left Oz, they had headed for Ev, which was where they were living now. The people here accepted them, despite their strange appearances; and soon they had found a cabin to live in, a town to be part of. Elphaba got herself a part-time job in the small inn in town, cleaning the rooms and serving the meals – not her dream job, but she didn't mind doing it and it earned them some money. Fiyero had quickly found a job with some of the local farmers, chasing the crows from their fields in exchange for some more money.

Elphaba had blossomed upon finally being part of something. The people here accepted her for who she was, and though the guilt of her past actions – Nessa, Glinda, _Fiyero_ – still weighed down on her heavily, she was happier than she'd ever been. She was accepted and she had Fiyero. She _would _change him back, and they would be able to live a normal life together – or as normal as a green person's life could be, anyway.

She'd noticed, though, that Fiyero wasn't as happy-go-lucky as he used to be. He was quieter than before, more thoughtful; and lately, it had gotten worse. At first Elphaba thought that he just needed to adjust to life as a scarecrow, to life out of Oz and without his family, without Glinda. When it had only gotten worse, she had become worried. Maybe this wasn't about adjusting. Maybe this was about him realising who – and what – she really was. Maybe he wanted to leave her. Maybe he was just waiting for her to change him back, and then he would take off, find a pretty girl to love and marry and live happily ever after with.

And a small part of her, the part that was selfish and… well, wicked… contemplated, just for a moment, to stop trying to change him back. If she made sure he stayed this way, he wouldn't leave her. He thought no-one would want him in this form; and though she hated him saying that about himself, she knew that it was most likely true. Not many girls fell in love with living scarecrows.

Of course she had quickly silenced that part of herself. She wasn't like that. Yes, that selfish and mean part of her existed – she had to acknowledge that; but she would never let it win. She wasn't wicked, no matter what people thought. She loved him. She only wanted what was best for him. And if she managed to change him back and he would leave her immediately afterwards… it would break her, but she wouldn't stop him just because she couldn't handle life without him. He deserved better than that.

But never, _ever_, had she suspected that he was so unhappy that he would want to kill himself.

She immediately dropped her bag and lunged forward, practically tackling the scarecrow to the floor as she tried to put out the flames with her hands, swatting at them until they were completely extinguished. She stayed down for a moment, panting a little, staring at Fiyero incredulously. Then she hauled him up until he was sitting with his back against the couch and she started yelling at him.

"What in Oz are you _doing_, Fiyero?!" she shouted, her voice rising in pitch as the first adrenaline wore off and panic took over. "Were you trying to _kill _yourself? Why would you _do_ that?!"

She didn't have to ask, of course. She knew why. It was true, then. He really hated her, this life with her, that much… he hated it enough to want to kill himself just to get away from it.

"I _will _change you back," she said, her voice trembling. "I will, I promise, and… and I'll do it quickly. Just hold out a little bit longer, Yero, please, and… and then you can go. I won't try to keep you here, I promise. You deserve to be free, you deserve to have what you want, and you'll get it, I promise… I'll try anything. Just… just please, _please _don't do this again. Please…" She was whimpering now, and she turned away from him and wrapped her arms around her own waist, crying silent tears. She knew this would happen, sooner or later. That he would resent her, for everything she'd done to him, everything he'd lost because of her. She knew he would most likely leave her sooner or later… she had just never expected it to be like this.

She tried to take deep breaths, to calm herself down, but she just couldn't. The panic was coursing through her veins and holding her body in its grip, making it difficult for her to breathe. She couldn't believe this was happening. She just could not believe that this was really happening.

She slowly sank down onto the couch, trying to get her breathing under control, but it was of no use. She tried to hold back her tears, but they just kept coming, until she eventually gave in.

She buried her face in her hands and cried.

* * *

Fiyero hadn't looked her in the eye yet.

He couldn't. From the moment she first burst through the door, he knew that she would be furious, and at first he thought he had been right. She'd started screaming at him; but he could detect the panic and worry behind her words, and it made him doubt himself for a moment. She really did care about him, he knew that, but the apparent depth of her feelings made him reconsider his decision. Maybe he had been wrong… maybe he shouldn't have tried to do this.

And then she started making promises, promises about changing him back and about letting him leave, and he was confused. If he wanted to leave her, he would have. He didn't want to. Not like that, anyway. He wanted to set her free, yes, but he didn't want to go on without her.

She was just standing there, pressing a trembling hand to her mouth and her eyes filling with tears, and his heart broke. She lowered herself onto the couch, slowly, and she just stared ahead of herself without really seeing anything. She closed her eyes for a moment. Her breaths came in quick, shallow gasps, and when she started hyperventilating, he was finally shaken from his stupor.

"Elphaba," he said urgently. "Come on, Fae, look at me."

She did, and the pain and confusion in her beautiful, dark brown eyes nearly broke his heart.

He wrapped her in his arms, resting his chin on top of her head and closing his eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"No…" Her voice was faint, but he caught it nonetheless. She pulled away from him, looking at him. "_I _am sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't have… I mean… I should have talked to you, I should…" She closed her eyes, letting her head hang down. "I should have never allowed you to do this in the first place. To come with me that day at the Palace, to save me that day in the cornfield, to leave Oz with me… I should have stopped you."

"Fae…" He stroked her hair. "I don't want to leave you," he said. "I really don't. And I don't regret any of those things, surely you know that? Fae, I would die without you."

She sniffled. "Then why –"

"Because you deserve so much better than this." He shook his head, indicating himself. "Just _look _at me, Fae. I don't deserve you. I never did. And you shouldn't have to put up with me at all. When I saw you, how happy how were when you were accepted here, by all these people, I just…" He sighed. "This is your chance to have a normal life, Elphaba, and I'm holding you back. I'm keeping you from having that normal life and that's the last thing I want to do. I want you to be happy."

She stared at him, her eyes wide and puzzled. "I could never be happy without you."

He opened his mouth to say something, but she cut him off. "Yero, you're the best thing that ever happened to me. If I lost you, I… it would break me. I love you."

"Do you?" he asked her sadly. "I know you care about me, Fae, but do you really love me?"

"Fiyero, of course I do!" She cradled his face between her hands. "I love you more than anything in this world! Did you honestly doubt that?" Her voice broke. "How could you ever doubt that?"

He looked down. "You didn't say it," he said quietly. "You haven't said it since… well, you know." He gestured towards himself again, indicating his current form.

She realised that was true; she hadn't said it. But neither had he. She had only told him she loved him once, that one night they had shared together, but she hadn't said it afterwards, afraid of what could happen if she did. In her mind, she couldn't help but associate her words with him being dragged off to be tortured by the Gale Force… and so she hadn't said it. She hadn't even realised that until now, and she certainly hadn't realised what it had done to him.

Fresh tears filled her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Yero," she whispered. "I never meant to give you the impression that…" She shook her head, not finishing that sentence. "I love you. So much. Please believe that. I don't care what you look like, I truly don't. All that matters is that you're here with me." She looked away, biting her lip. "I thought you hated me," she whispered. "For… for doing this to you. You had to give up everything for me – your life, your family, your job, Glinda… your human body. Everything. And I… I don't blame you if… if you hate me for that. I really don't. I thought you wanted to leave me as soon as I would change you back, and I swore to myself that if that turned out to be true, I would let you go, because… because _you_ deserve better, Fiyero. Better than this. Better than me."

"Nothing is better than you, Fae." He reached out to gently wipe her tears away. "I only want you, but I don't want to hold you back when –"

"You're _not_ holding me back!" she suddenly snapped, jumping to her feet so quickly that she startled him for a moment. She started pacing, then suddenly stopped to look at him. "Is that really why you tried to kill yourself?" she asked him softly. "Because you thought I would be better off without you?"

He stared at the floor, ashamed, and nodded.

"Next time," she said in a low voice, "would you mind consulting me about that first?"

He looked up incredulously. "You want me to come and talk to you about me wanting to kill myself?" he demanded.

"No," she hissed. "I want you to come and talk to me about you thinking I'm better off without you. Because I'm not, Fiyero. I'm not. Not at all."

"If I would be gone –"

"Do you want to know what happened if you had succeeded today?" she interrupted him.

He closed his mouth and shook his head, curious about her answer.

She looked him straight in the eye, determined to convey to him how serious she was about this. "I would have gone to that cliff in the woods a few miles away," she said in a low voice, "and I would have jumped."

He gaped at her.

"Oz dammit, Fiyero, I _love_ you." She sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "I don't know what I'd do without you. You mean everything to me. If you _want_ to go, if you truly want to, then I'll let you, because I want you to be happy. But if you don't, if you're trying to do this for me, then you truly are brainless, because I could never be happy without you."

If he had still been able to cry, he was sure he _would _be crying right now. "I'm so sorry, Fae, I… I love you too. I only did what I thought was best for you…"

"Well, don't." She glared at him, and he recognised she was trying to disguise her fear and anxiety with anger. "I can decide for myself what's best for me, thank you very much."

"As can I," he retorted. "If you thought I wanted to leave you, you should have confronted me, Elphaba."

"I couldn't." She lowered her eyes. "I… I was afraid of the answer," she admitted softly.

He rose to his feet as well and drew her into his arms, pressing her tightly against his chest. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "For everything. Fae, I would never leave you. Ever. I love you so much… Please don't ever doubt that again."

"Only if you won't doubt me again," she said, looking up at him.

He kissed her softly – or as softly as he could with his rough burlap lips. "I won't," he said. "I promise."

She kissed him back, then rested her head against his shoulder. They stayed that way for a while, just holding one another, before she yawned and he pulled away, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"I'll go and get you something to eat," he said, but she shook her head.

"I'm not hungry." She hesitated, then tugged him to the bedroom with her.

She turned around to look at him. "I know you can't sleep," she said in a small voice. "But… but would you mind just lying with me for a moment?"

"Of course not." He lay down with her as she settled in the bed, and she nestled herself in his arms, her head on his chest and her arms around him. He continued to softly stroke her hair and her back to lull her to sleep, and within a few minutes, she had drifted off, exhausted because of all the emotions of the last hour.

Fiyero watched her as she slept, as he sometimes did. She slept fitfully, as always; muttering and talking and whimpering in her sleep, tossing and turning, and occasionally even crying out. He knew she had nightmares, though she refused to tell him what they were about.

She never let go of him, though. Throughout the night, no matter how much she moved in her sleep, she always kept a firm grip on his shirt, clutching it tightly as if he would disappear the moment she let go. He gathered her in his arms, running his fingers – alright, straw-stuffed gloves – through her hair and softly humming a song in an attempt to calm her down. She curled into him, her body trembling, and he tucked the blanket around her and held her close.

It didn't take very long for him to drift off as well.

* * *

When Elphaba woke up, sunlight was streaming into the room through the large window and Fiyero was still peacefully asleep beside her.

It was still early and she wasn't a morning person, so it took her a while to realise that something was wrong with that picture. And it wasn't the sunlight.

She sat up straight. Fiyero was still asleep beside her? Fiyero didn't sleep. He couldn't. He was a scarecrow.

She turned around in his arms to look at his face, and the moment she laid eyes on it, she gasped. She brought her hand up to touch his cheek… his soft, stubbly, _human _cheek.

"Fiyero!" she cried out and she threw her arms around his neck, thanking every deity she knew, even if she didn't believe in them. He was human again. She had no idea how, but it had happened, and she was so immensely grateful for that.

She could tell that he was alarmed by her cry and her abnormal behaviour. "Fae?" he said drowsily, anxiety shimmering through in his voice. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Yero!" She was actually crying now, but unlike the tears she had shed the night before, these were tears of joy and happiness. "Yero, you're back! You're back to normal! You're human again!"

He blinked a few times. Then he realised that he could _feel _her. He could feel the soft pressure of her body against his, her arms around his neck. He held up his hand to study it, and a broad grin spread across his face when he saw not a glove filled with straw, but a hand. An actual human hand, with five fingers and a small scar from where he had been bitten by a dog when he was a little kid.

He was human again.

"How is this possible?" he asked in astonishment.

Elphaba shook her head. "I don't know." She ran her fingers through his hair, then down his neck, pulling him close for a kiss, and he closed his eyes and revelled in the sensation of actually feeling her lips against his, her silky hair between his fingers.

"You're back," she whispered between kisses. "Thank Oz, you're back."

He kissed her back, touching her face, her hair, her arms, entwining their fingers together and holding them up so that he could look at them. He was really himself again. Sandy hair, sapphire blue eyes – though those never had always stayed the same, even when he was a scarecrow – tan skin, lopsided grin. Fiyero Tiggular was back.

"I love you," he whispered, and suddenly she pulled back, startled.

"Could that have been it?"

He blinked at her, unhappy with the sudden loss of contact. "Could what have been what, exactly?" he asked.

She looked at him with those huge, unreadable, dark eyes of hers. "You pointed out to me yesterday that I hadn't told you I loved you since you became a scarecrow," she said. "Do you think… do you think that might be the reason why you're human again now? Because I told you that I do? Love you, I mean?"

He thought about it for a moment. It seemed like something that would only happen in fairytales… but then again, Glinda had told him many times in a stern voice that love was the key to magic and that he should never underestimate the power of love.

"Maybe," he said, capturing her lips again. "I guess you saved me again, then."

She smiled against his lips, rolling them over so that he was on top and she was pinned down beneath him. She brought up one hand to touch his face again, then leant up to kiss his forehead, his cheeks, his eyelids, his nose, and finally his lips. "I missed you," she murmured. "I meant what I said before – I love you, no matter what you look like, but… but I'm glad you're you again."

"Me, too," he said, kissing her over and over again. "Sweet Oz, Fae, I love you."

She pulled him down to lie beside her again and she rested her head on his chest, right next to their still entwined fingers. She watched his fingers playing with hers as she closed her eyes and pressed her cheek to his chest.

The soft, but strong sound of his beating heart was like music to her ears.

* * *

**Review? :)**


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